Looking back over these three years I cant help but feel regretful of all the missed opportunities because I didn’t put myself out there. I spent so much of the course doubting my place on it, often rejecting the term musician or sound artist because I didn’t feel like I did enough to call myself that. Now I realise most of my art has this theme of not belonging and that I want to explore this further but it almost feels too late as I come to the end and lose the support and resources that the college provides.
I never expected to go down the noise route, at first I was more interested in sound design and music concrete. Also I wanted to learn about synthesisers and daws. However, I found these to be inaccessible and difficult to do alone or start so when I found out about no input mixing and Toshimaru Nakamura in a desperate search for a practice like what everyone else on the course seemed to already have I was delighted. The tactility and explorative, improvisational method of producing sound and noise where nothing was deemed wrong was very freeing. I think I was ultimately drawn to the sheer power in the volume of the sound as well, getting into famous Japanese noise musicians like Merzbow I felt slightly like I was connecting to my Japanese side. I wish to continue to expand upon this practice experimenting with more mixers and other types of hardware perhaps even trying to blend it with more traditional music genres.
Although I struggled with my mental health throughout the years, I am grateful for the course to introduce me to this small world of such interesting and amazing artists and musicians which I hope to one day contribute more to.